Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
