I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
