I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
