Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
