why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
