Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
