Im at strip club and am horny
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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