i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
