There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
