hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
