I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
