we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
