maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
