Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
