She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
