Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
