He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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