A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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