sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
