also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
