It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
