I am puke
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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