Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
