i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
