Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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