You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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