i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
