i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
