Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
