I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
