I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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