We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
