you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
