Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
