you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
as a side note pls kill me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
