Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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