i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
