Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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