I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
