don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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