"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
