What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
