I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
