Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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