I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
