She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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