i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
