I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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