Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
