I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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