the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
