My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
