its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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