Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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