You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize