I hate your face
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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