I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
