38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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