We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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