you guys were way drunker than both of me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
