Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
