just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
