This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I AM VODKA MAN
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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