I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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